Why Modern Movies Suck

[geektalk]

Why Modern Movies Suck – They’re Written By Children

 

In the second instalment of my series exploring the flaws of modern moviemaking, I’m going to be discovering why smart, mature characters seem to be a thing of the past.

The Critical Drinker

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you know as i sift through the endless

river of sludge that passes for modern

entertainment i’ll occasionally come

across an unexpected gem glistening in

the murky depths like june for example

which proved to be a thoughtful

slow-paced and philosophical adaptation

of some pretty challenging source

material but one thing that left out of

me while i was watching it was holy [ __ ]

isn’t it nice when characters act like

smart mature adults who make sensible

decisions control their emotions and

actually take the time to consider their

situation instead of ridiculous

hyperactive teenagers driven by hormones

and emotions that have somehow inherited

the bodies of grown adults it seems like

some kind of crazy luxury from a bygone

era now but it brought me to a pretty

interesting conclusion about why modern

movies suck harder than tatiana after

two lines of cocaine they’re written by

children four children or rather people

with the intelligence attention span and

emotional maturity of children and this

fundamental limitation filters through

into everything they produce which is

fine if your idea of entertainment is

eating play-doh and farting in the

bathtub but for anyone looking for

something just a bit smarter and more

subtle it’s a bit like going to a

burlesque show except the dancers all

look like elizabeth warren and they want

to spend the evening talking to you

about federal tax reform anyway allow me

to illuminate you for the purposes of

this video i’m going to lift some

examples from star trek over the years

it’s a franchise that’s been around

longer than most of us have been alive

so it’s probably a good reflection of

how writing and character development

have changed over the years first up

let’s take a look at the wrath of khan

from 1982 which is generally regarded as

the best star trek movie ever made the

basic story is that an aging admiral

kirk is given command of the enterprise

again when an old enemy hijacks a

federation starship and uses it to get

his hands on a doomsday weapon that can

destroy entire planets along the way he

also intends to dish out a bit of good

old-fashioned payback on kirk as revenge

for leaving him stranded on a barren

planet decades earlier there’s a lot

going on here in terms of character

development but the central story arc

for kirk is his struggle with getting

older the movie opens up on his 50th

birthday and it’s clear he’s not exactly

thrilled about that fact he’s very much

a middle-aged man now stuck in an

unrewarding desk job and facing up to

the realization that his best days may

be behind him mccoy even gives him a

pair of reading glasses as a birthday

gift because he’s too proud to admit

that his eyesight isn’t what it used to

be overall it’s a pretty universal

concept that most people can relate to

and empathize with i mean how many of us

are trapped in some boring office job we

don’t enjoy wishing we could live a life

of adventure and endless possibilities

how many of us are getting older and

realizing we can’t do the things we used

to do and the other younger people are

slowly coming up to replace us deep down

we all know it’s going to happen sooner

or later even if we’d rather not think

about it now consider a similar scene

that star trek beyond from 2016 rips off

i mean pays tribute to it’s the same

basic setup of kirk and his friend mccoy

celebrating his birthday over a quiet

drink and a subdued kirk reflecting

unhappily on where he’s at in life the

difference here though is that this

version of kirk is 36 years old and he’s

in command of a starship out exploring

the galaxy he’s literally in the prime

of his life doing the things he enjoys

most he should be loving every single

minute of it but because the movie wants

to set him up as a reluctant hero who’s

thinking about moving on to new things

the best it can come up with is to

project the middle-aged angst of wrath

of khan onto a character who’s at a

completely different stage in life it

doesn’t ring true in the slightest

because it’s trying to force a situation

that can’t happen organically now

consider the ending for wrath of khan

with his ship crippled and most of his

crew dead khan triggers a doomsday

device in a last-ditch attempt to take

his enemy down with him the desperate

situation forces spock to sacrifice

himself to repair the enterprise’s warp

core allowing them to escape the blast

at the cost of his own life kirk’s

forced to watch his best friend die in

front of his eyes unable to help him and

it’s interesting to watch his reaction

as the realization sinks in he doesn’t

scream or cry out or lose control he

just kind of slumps to the ground

devastated and shocked as the camera

slowly pans away

and when it’s time to lay his friend to

rest he delivers the eulogy with stiff

but stoic composure only wavering once

at the very ends of all the souls i have

encountered in my travels

yes was the most

human why because he’s a grown-ass man

and he’s the captain of a starship he’s

expected to lead by example and hold

himself together whatever his personal

feelings because that’s how professional

officers conduct themselves and that

little moment when his composure slips

becomes all the more poignant because

you know how hard he’s trying to hide it

now let’s consider how this same scene

plays out in star trek into darkness

yeah i think you begin to see the

difference here not only does kirk’s

death happen in the midst of a

ridiculous action scene with starships

crashing into cities buildings getting

flattened and people dying by the tens

of thousands thus giving the audience no

time to process it before it’s swiftly

undone with a bit of cheap deus ex

trifica but it’s also very clear that

the characters in whatever passes for

modern star trek very much wear their

hearts on their sleeves running around

like frantic lunatics and emergencies

openly discussing personal relationships

in front of superior officers and

responding with big emotional outbursts

in high stress situations it’s quite a

contrast from the more mature and

restrained characterizations from the

earlier movies as another example let’s

consider how characters handle

interpersonal conflict like in this

scene from star trek the undiscovered

country where it’s revealed that due to

a major industrial disaster the klingon

empire is on the verge of collapse and

is now making peace overtures towards

the federation naturally this causes

quite the difference of opinion about

how to handle the situation with the

more hardline officers seeing this as a

chance to eliminate their most dangerous

enemies once and for all the more

forward-thinking elements on the other

hand want to negotiate an honorable

peace rather than push their opponents

into a corner and risk a destructive

military conflict both perspectives have

merit and the script is smart enough to

let them have their say before revealing

that kirk had been personally chosen by

spock to lead the diplomatic initiative

naturally he’s not happy about being

railroaded into a mission like this

partly because of his professional

mistrust of the klingons partly because

he’s an agent commander who fears the

rapidly changing world around him but

also because he has a very personal

reason to hate them

david

david is dead

all of these elements combined together

to create a strong and very

understandable emotional reaction you

can see how [ __ ] angry he is with his

friend the way he stands at the opposite

end of the table keeping a safe distance

between them at first it starts with

cold accusations but when spock tries to

argue his case rationally the real

emotions start to come through

don’t believe them don’t trust them

until at last it all becomes too much

and kirk finally shows his true colors

they’re dying

let them die

it’s a smart well-written scene that

demonstrates the changing dynamics

between the two friends and actually

paints kirk in a pretty unflattering

light without completely destroying him

as a character he’s an old bigoted

reactionary officer from a different era

afraid of change still licking old

wounds and unable to see past his own

prejudices and yet you absolutely

understand why it feels this way just

like the debate during the briefing

earlier neither side is portrayed as

strictly right or wrong they’re just

different perspectives born from

different experiences and both are

definitely worth listening to but what’s

most important to note here is how the

two men actually conduct themselves

they’re controlled rational and measured

arguing their points effectively and not

simply shouting over each other yeah

kirk’s definitely got an emotional stake

in this which quickly comes through as

spock presses him but even then he

manages to keep himself mostly under

control why because that’s how grown

[ __ ] men deal with things real men

don’t fly off the handle at the

slightest provocation or start fighting

and yelling at each other when they

disagree because losing control like

that isn’t a sign of strength it’s a

sign of deep weakness and insecurity

weakness of character weakness of

self-control and weakness of

self-discipline now let’s consider how

kirk and spock resolve their differences

in the new version of star trek

for [ __ ] sake the last example i want

to give you is how the chain of command

operates in different eras of star trek

in the episode gambit from star trek the

next generation the captain and first

officer of the enterprise are both out

of action leaving data to take command

of the ship and warf to act as his first

officer it’s a change of role for both

men and unfortunately wharf doesn’t take

too well to this openly questioning his

decisions in front of the bridge crew

finally

this prompts data to summon him to his

ready room for a good old-fashioned ass

kick-in like my previous examples the

great thing about this scene is how

restrained and understated these two

characters are they don’t yell at each

other or come to blows because they

don’t need to date a calmly but firmly

explains that worf was wrong to question

him in front of the crew you continually

question my orders in front of the crew

i do not believe this is appropriate

behavior wharf offers the justification

for his behavior

is it not my duty to offer you

alternatives and data lets them know

that [ __ ] isn’t gonna fly with him but

once i have made a decision it is your

job to carry it out regardless of how

you may personally feel and guess what

morph recognizes that he was in the

wrong apologizes for it and the two men

go back to work with no hard feelings

if you will overlook this incident i

would like to continue to consider you

my friend

i would like that as well holy [ __ ]

imagine two people dealing with

interpersonal conflict like calm adult

professionals whoever wrote the dialogue

for this scene deserves a [ __ ] medal

it’s an absolute masterclass in the

subtle enforcement of command and

authority mixed in with the conflict

between two friends having to adjust to

a sudden change of roles without even

having to raise his voice or resort to

personal attacks data is able to

perfectly explain the mutually

supportive relationship between a

captain and his first officer and make

it clear that he expects that same level

of support from warf disrespect will not

be tolerated and as a contrast to that

consider how the chain of command

operates on a show like star trek

discovery now you get off my ass so we

can get back to work

the [ __ ] would hit the fan well done

number one well it’s freaking amazing

excuse me freaking amazing evolution’s a

fickle [ __ ] am i right i’m going i’m

going get off my ass

sir get off my ass sir i love how these

people are able to just say and do

whatever the [ __ ] they want with zero

repercussions casually back chatting

their commanding officers and generally

acting like immature morons seriously

the level of discipline and

professionalism here is about the same

as a [ __ ] liberal arts college

they’re like teenagers that have

suddenly been put in command of a

starship with no training or preparation

they’re impulsive hyperactive

emotionally unstable unprofessional and

generally pretty incompetent they’re the

absolute last people on earth you’d

trust your life to and unfortunately

they’ve become kind of the norm in

modern film and tv so why the [ __ ] does

this keep happening what happened to all

the adults in the room well from my

point of view there’s three different

strands to this answer the first is a

simple one money most effects heavy

movies are expensive as [ __ ] to make now

and if your film doesn’t rake in a [ __ ]

zillion dollars then you might as well

start learning to code you need to

appeal to as wide an audience as

possible particularly the younger

demographic which means lots of action

lots of energy lots of jokes could be

dialogue and fast-paced storylines that

don’t demand too much brain power no

time to waste people go go go the second

strand is this weird trend towards

infantilizing modern audiences carefully

shielding them from anything that could

be considered difficult scary or

threatening whether it’s public

information videos commercials or

government announcements everything’s

presented in this weird childish happy

clappy format that looks like the sort

of inoffensive crap you’d show to

kindergarteners take this us army

recruitment video for example

jesus take a second to think about the

kind of person this video is going to

appeal to then imagine how well that

person would do in a [ __ ] war the

final and probably biggest strand is the

people hired to actually write this

stuff i’ve said before that a character

is only ever as smart capable and

resourceful as the person writing them

and well you don’t need me to tell you

that hollywood creatives these days

aren’t exactly paragons of tough stoic

confident self-reliance they’re the kind

of people who consider mean tweets to be

on par with mass murder in fact most of

them have lived the kind of safe

comfortable sheltered lives that

previous generations could only dream of

never experiencing anything even

resembling hardship adversity or danger

the kind of stuff that actually builds

character self-confidence life

experience and generally makes you a

more interesting capable person the end

result of all this is a generation of

writers that are weak fragile spoiled

narcissistic emotional and insecure

completely unable to handle adversity

conflict masculinity or anything that

challenges their own self-image in short

they’re basically children inhabiting

adult bodies and as a result they lack

the experience and maturity needed to

write smart confident capable adult

characters and well look at the results

it’s bad enough for people like me who

still remember what quality writing

looks like and now have the dubious

pleasure of watching previously smart

mature characters get bastardized

infantilized and destroyed but what’s

even more disheartening is the effect

this is having on people who don’t have

that solid foundation to fall back on

the ridiculous infantile shite that

today’s writers produce is helping to

shape and influence a whole new

generation of young moviegoers changing

their perception of what supposedly

heroic characters should be and do and

if that’s the case i can’t [ __ ] wait

to see what happens when they get out

into the world

anyway

that’s all i’ve got for today

go away now

[Author]

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