Is Marvel’s Eternals really that bad? Why yes, it is!

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Is Marvel’s Eternals really that bad? Why yes, it is! | Mild Spoiler Review

Marvel’s Eternals has broken new ground, in that it if the first MCU feature film to receive a rotten score on Rotten Tomatoes. To be clear, it is not trolls, but professional critics leaving these negative reviews, and some of them are really savage.
How bad does the movie have to be for a professional critic to put out a headline like this about a Marvel movie!?
Well, @AndreEinherjar has seen it, so we’re about to find out. He will begin this review by providing a brief story overview that will feature some mild spoilers; before going through what he liked, what he disliked, his final verdict, and where he thinks this all went so horribly wrong.

Midnight’s Edge

 

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marvel’s eternals has broken new ground

in that it is the first mcu feature film

to receive a rotten score on rotten

tomatoes to be clear it is not trolls

but professional critics leaving these

negative reviews and some of them are

really savage

how bad does the movie have to be for a

professional critic to put out a

headline like this about a marvel movie

well i’ve seen it so we’re about to find

out i will begin this review by

providing a brief story overview that

will feature some mild spoilers before

going through what i liked what i

disliked my final verdict and where i

think this all went so horribly horribly

wrong

the movie tells the story of the

eternals a race of immortals who don’t

age

they serve the celestials and for

thousands of years

they have been under instruction to

protect earth from attacking deviants

at some point in time they will get to

go back to their home world of olympus

or so they have been led to believe you

see these celestials withheld some vital

information from the eternals

both about the true purpose of their

mission their intentions for planet

earth and about the eternals themselves

the story is kicked into action when the

deviants return after centuries of

inactivity but unlike past encounters

they are now actively hunting eternals

on top of that planet earth itself is in

upheaval and someone in their own ranks

may be double crossing them

with that the stage is set for marvel’s

eternals directed by chloe xiao i would

love to be able to say that the eternals

is a movie that explores the origins and

evolution of human society the passage

of time living life and mortality i’d be

lying if i did though because the movie

merely touches on any of those themes

the themes are good and if explored

properly they could have made for a

great movie but this is not a great

movie it’s not even a good movie or a

passable movie honestly it’s a pretty

bad movie one of the major reasons for

that is that it is trying to do too much

at the same time and because of that it

fails at everything it is trying to do

this movie needed to either scale back

what it wanted to do into something that

could be done within the confines of a

feature film running time or to increase

the running time restructuring itself

into a mini-series as it stands marvel’s

eternals is both too long and too short

at the same time

and that makes for a poorly structured

narrative mess that seemingly doesn’t

know what it wants to be or what it

wants to do which is not to say all is

bad

whether it was intentional from the

filmmaker’s point of view or not it is

my opinion that the heart and soul of

the movie is the character sprite or

gender bent pinocchio as i like to call

her portrayed by leah mchugh she was the

absolute highlight of the movie and the

one where the themes best shone through

as she is the one character for whom

life eternal is a curse rather than a

blessing since she is forever stuck at

an age where life cannot truly be lived

the flip side to her character is kumail

nanjani’s kingo who loves and makes the

absolute most of life everlasting these

two opposites really work and show what

this movie had the potential to be

sadly that potential was left on the

table

the rest of the cast all do what they

can with what they have to work with but

that’s where the limitation is

there are fundamental issues and story

and structure here that no actor can

overcome i’m also happy to report that

the much touted diversity and inclusion

isn’t pushed to the forefront in

unnatural ways instead it’s just there

taken for granted as a part of nature

also the movie’s score was just fine

didn’t stand out one way or the other

now that we’ve addressed the good and

the neutral we’re left with the bad and

sadly that includes everyone and

everything else

from script to direction to design to

cinematography and all the way up to

editing the movie is a tonal mess

jumping back and forth between different

atmospheres the screen story doesn’t

live up to the themes and at times the

movie has an almost dreamlike quality

not because they intended it i think but

because the narrative is just a bit out

of whack to paraphrase the rotten

tomatoes consensus the movie tries to

soar but it drips and falls face first

into the ground in a ranking of all mcu

feature films i would put this at or

very near the bottom

how could marvel put out something this

bad

as the producer and driving force behind

the mcu kevin feige is ultimately to

blame for all of the eternal’s

shortcomings where i think he stepped

wrong specifically though was in hiring

chloe zhao to direct

the best mcu movies have always been the

ones where the director’s sensibilities

line up with the movie’s tone character

dynamics and or emotional touchstone

when all of this lines up the director

can easily work within the parameters of

the mcu and still lift an already good

script to another level like for

instance james gunn did with guardians

of the galaxy or the russos did with

captain america the winter soldier here

chloe zao wasn’t able to do that and to

me at least

the obvious reason for why not is that

her sensibilities as a filmmaker just

don’t match what was required to make

the eternals take off her bleak denis

villeneuve inspired documentary style is

simply not a fit with the property like

jack kirby’s eternals

even if this movie is mostly based on

the later neil gaiman iteration which

also was a mistake the one who should

have recognized that was kevin feige he

didn’t and the movie suffered for it

that is a shame because in the hands of

someone with the right sensibilities and

possibly in a miniseries format this

could have been something special

let me know your thoughts in the

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